You need something done, you let me know. I’ll get it done. By “get it done” I mean I will add it to my thirty page to-do list and then promptly ignore it! In the second breathe I am Johnny on the spot! I am the one that will get everything done in 24 hours and will make it happen. The freelance life makes me a little more like the Queen of Procrastination,. and the all mighty princess of Dilly-Dallying.
I have every intention to finish my long list every day not being able to complete it all makes me feel like I slept the entire day away. I feel like I am letting someone down. Letting myself down.
I don’t know why I am like this, I just am. My therapist (yes, I use to see a therapist.. if you were me you would too! stop judging me right now! & yes I broke up with her because I couldn’t keep my plans with her! At one time she told me that it’s a method of self destruction. I know, it sounds like I’m crazy right? Maybe yes? Maybe no? what this means in a nutshell is I self sabotage myself. When I really do think about it, I guess she was right. Now I have to just figure out why I'm do this in the first place?!
I have the very best of intentions, I really do. The never ending inventory of un-reached goals I am chock full of great ideas. I want to do so many wonderful things, the ideas spill from me, my head is a mish mash of OCD.
Never having the wilpower to stick with one thing. I make some of my goals become reality. There are so many people that don’t get It & it causes some of the people in my life to become completely pissed off. It isn’t like this is what I want to be like. I know that when I get nervous or have an idea I talk it out. I talk about it with anyone that will listen. This is what I have always done & I am pretty sure that when I say “ I am going to open a scrapbooking store.” People hear just that. Well what I am saying in my mind is “ I would love to one day open a scrapbooking store (maybe) some day!
That gets me in hot water alot.
So, what’s the deal? Why don’t I just do it? Well, I am amazingly over scheduled and that makes it so hard to just take the time out. I wish I knew why I was this way. I wish I knew why I feel the need to set myself up for disappointment. Do I fear the responsibilities that will come along with success?
There has been many times that I have lost friendships because of this. Because. I am better then I was before but this is what I use to do..... Call, email, or run into a friend. Set up a date and cancel. When I say “We should totally should go to the movies next week!” my friends says “great
let’s meet next Wednesday at two at the Kingston theater!” I say “perfect”. Then the next thing I know Its the day before and I email them or call them and say ” I can’t make it.” This is what I use to do. I no longer do it! If I can’t make a date with someone I have a reason. Not just to sit at home and paint my nails! This is one goal that I have reached.
I will go into the I can’t say “NO” post tomorrow. So for the next 365 days I will not over book myself. Run myself into the wall and back out of something I have started. I will Follow through. I will be the best person to myself and to my friends in my life.
As for me, I will be doing some soul searching over the next year. I am going to make myself into the person that I want to be. I need to not sit on facebook all day, not working on my blog, or my book, or any project that I haven’t checked off my list first. That work first play later!
With the fresh start doing this I started today to work on my Kitchen Counter, with the TV off set a timer wrote my list and did those things before I got back to facebooking.
I will tell you how it goes but I will be trying this! It can only make my life better right?