Sunday, October 25, 2015

Mama needs to slow down...

I have been having a pretty hard time at this mother hood thing lately. 
Maybe because my little man has been having a very hard time lately, not just a little bit but a lot. He hasn't been listening lately and being sassy and pushing his boundaries.
 I told him "don't run, your going to fall and get hurt!" I say this every morning when we bring B man to the bus and we are on our way back down to the house. 

He doesn't listen. 
This time he doesn't just fall, he falls and slides, 
rips his jeans and bloodies his little hands, 
I run to get to him. 
Picking him up and carrying him to the living room. 
His sobs are making me get that large lump in my throat. 

As I clean him up,  
I whisper to him how brave he is and how there are just sometimes that super heros like him just need moments with their mamas  to let his little body take a time out to feel safe and rest in my arms.

As I try to just take in this small moment I am thinking...

My Kitchen sink is full.
The bathroom needs to be cleaned.
I needed to call the Dr's back, 
get B man that appointment with the Natural Path on the Island..
I've been waiting for months to get a call back to get in!

The list is growing but in this moment I am not going to do anything 
but hold my baby.

My motherhood moments, the filling up juice cups, the cleaning up cookie crumbs, the ups and downs, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 
These are the moments that make up my world. 
The times standing at the other side of the living room I have the feeling of being so antagonize at the amount of legos that are littering the floor.

The mornings when I am feeling so overwhelmed to get the boys out the door that I sound like a crazy person... I think I might just be crazy!  
There are so many days of me yelling for everyone to hurry up and wondering at the same time where I left my brain....

The moments that take us to the brink and you get pulled back in to the love of your motherhood. 

Those big Brown eyes that both boys get from me... 
that sweet smell they both have, the sweet smell of boy.

You will always have the days where you ask yourself, "what am I doing here?" "Are you freaking kidding me?" looking at the living room and thinking to myself and many times that I have said it out loud, 
"didn't we just clean this up?" It is about me learning that I am not perfect. My kids don't expect me to be perfect. 

They love me in my Yoga pants that I don't wear to yoga in..
Dancing around the house in my fuzzy slippers. Making them laugh. 
Even when I do yell, they still love me. 
So tonight as I was thinking back to this day...this Mama realized that the to do list can wait, the dirty dishes can stay in the sink, the latest blog post and anything at that moment can wait because my baby needs me. They are both growing so fast, the skinned knees and the boo boo's will stop wanting to be kissed and they wont want to cuddle. 

I need to not take the small moments for granted. To savor every little second, even the ones where I want to scream. To remember all those nights I would pray to become a mom.... To remember that in life it is about those simple moments that we often forget. It all adds up and those days that feel pointless are actually just plain beautiful….


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