Sunday, June 13, 2010

A marriage is wonderful no matter the ups & downs.

In many ways, "Hub's" and I are very much alike. We love being homebody's, planning our future and playing in our gardens, delicious food, lazy Sundays, our dog's, living in suburbia, and traveling. We’re OCD neat freaks, simpletons, and nerds to our core.

But there are many ways in which we are different, especially in regards to how we communicate and deal with arguments.

He’s patient and kind and caring and collected and reserved. I’m loud and vocal and sarcastic and passionate and succumb to verbal diarrhea.

Yet we balance each other out.

We have an incredibly blessed, strong, and happy marriage. "Hub's" is my best friend, Wii competitor, movie buddy, nightly dinner date, Fur baby parent partner, and biggest fan.

But like any couple, our marriage is not without faults, disagreements, and hiccups. Not every day is Lovey Dovey, and chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. We argue.  About the little things. About the important things. About the mundane things. About the stupid things. Things like taking out the trash and organizing the garage and spending money on things the other doesn't think is important,  where or what to eat for dinner and what movie we should watch after dinner.

There are times when I’m snippy and on edge. There are times when "Hub's" is exhausted and wants to be left alone.  But at the end of the day, we’re in this crazy thing called marriage together. We know that we will not ever give up, we will stay strong and stay married because there is never a fight worth our marriage. We know we will grow old with one each other. This is truly life's greatest gift.

Then there are times when I don’t fight fair this is not an everyday or every disagreement occurrence, but it DOES happen on occasion. It can be over something as inconsequential as where we should go on our next vacation or something bigger like having children, finances, moving out of state.

I name call or make below-the-belt character attacks (i.e. “You’re acting like an idiot!”). I use global statements such as “always” or “never” (i.e. “You never listen to me!”). I go off topic to a long list of prior examples of the current issue. I tend to act like a four-year-old child by either shutting down, giving the silent treatment, or slamming our bedroom door, with a loud name calling and "OK "insert name here".

I hate it, especially because "Hub's" is an incredibly fair fighter. He doesn’t raise his voice or name call or use past actions against me. He looks at each situation independently and as unbiased as possible. He is always loving in our exchanges. I am constantly humbled by him.

Me? Fighting fair is something I have to actively work to avoid every day.  And one day I am determined to overcome it completely. For me. For "Hub's". And for our marriage.

One thing that we have always done is to say to one another that we love eachother every night before bed with a hug and a kiss and we always say we love eachother before we leave one another. It is a great thing to be married to your best friend. He asked me a few weeks ago to re-new our vows next year. We had thought at first to do it in Las Vegas where we did it before and we decided to do it right here and share our joy and love with our friends and family here next spring.

I love "Hub's" with all my heart and love that my spirit holds. I am amazed that I get to spend my day even with life and loves ups and downs and know I am with my soul mate, my best friend. Marriage is about trust, & love, bending, give and take.

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