Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What do you think???

 Hub’s and I never fail at having really great talks, we always have really wonderful talks at night before we go to sleep.  For the most part through the years, there has been a few topic’s that the two of us re visit.  One of those subjects was brought up again last night when the two of us were talking about a relationship  that a close family friend is having, and over the years has has the same problems with all the relationships that they have had because of this one topic..  Can men and women be friends at this age.  "Hub's" and I have agreed and disagreed on this subject over the years, but what we both agree is that no good can come out of a man and a women being friends when one or both are married. 

Our point of view on this topic is that women in their thirties are not looking to be friends with men.  If they are still single at this age, most women are either looking for someone to have a child with, get married to, or a man to be a father to children that they already have.  I don’t know any single women who are my age that enjoy being single and plan on being single indefinitely.  Maybe I’m wrong but I still don’t think that they have it in their mind that  staying single for the rest of their lives is their hearts desire and big dream!  My theory about men and women our age not being able to be friends.  As a married woman, I would consider a woman who suddenly befriended my husband as a threat! I would take her down and shove my fat fist with my wedding ring down her throat.  I am very ( maybe a little okay a lot psycho!) But mess with my man and I will mess with your face! :) 

The friend we were talking (lovingly about) is always looking for the next best thing, always a flash in the pants, will be together with one girl and still looking in the rear view mirror for another.  When he is with one girl he keeps all his old sexy pictures of his ex's and remains friends with most of his ex's always behind his new girlfriends back. He lives with a great girl that we have all become close with and then he makes friends with the girl at the coffee shop or has dinner with one of his ex's and thinks its perfectly fine and nothing is wrong with it.  About six months later he is sleeping with the ex or the coffee girl. Makes no sense and I always think of that when some new chick.

Then another friend of a friend was having some marriage problems this past holiday season so instead of staying at home and trying to work it out, she was hanging out with another friend that was going through the same thing,  over a few weeks they were feeding off one another's problems & soon they were hanging out with a few boys that were single,  things got a little crazy and rumors started in a small town, friendships were ended and a marriage that was on shaking ground ended & another will more then likely ever be the same. Children's home lives will also never be the same.  

I have actually brought this topic up to my close friends and they all happen to totally agree with me and they are all in some type of different relationship situations. feeling that it is not possible for men and women who are our age to have platonic friendships.  They both agreed whole heartedly  that men or women who try to cultivate friendships with married people, or people who are in committed relationships, have ulterior motives! ( see protecting my family from these types of people make me feeling the way I do that much stronger. % 
trying to be open minded with most things I quickly realized what better place to spark a discussion about the  male/female platonic friendships when one or both of the parties involved are married or committed to someone else.  Unfortunately, my experiences with this are based mostly on life time movies!  friends and family.  In most cases, the friendship turned out to not be entirely platonic and it strained the relationship that one or both of the people were in.  I’m not sure if this happened because their relationships were in trouble to begin with or if it occurred because they were driven to infidelity by the jealousy of their partners.  

I'm blessed to have the husband I do and be madly in love with him even when we are mad at eachother, I would never go anywhere else to get advice or talk to anyone of a different gender. My girlfriends are my sounding board, and I love what they help me work through I would never be able to go to any other man that wasn't my "hub's" it just wouldn't feel right.  I have heard my husband say that "he married his best friend, that he isn't friends with any other girl that isn't already married & that is a couple that the two of us together hang out with." He makes it feel good to be married to my best friend and never needing to go else where for advice but to my bed at night for my nightly talk to the only man I have ever needed or will ever need to have... I am blessed.

I would like to know from you, can men and women be friends if they are married or in a relationship?  We all know that men and women can be friends if they are both single but, add a jealous spouse or partner and it ups the equation.  I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for leaving me comments! %

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I really truly believe that men and women can be friends. As long as their is mutual respect and honesty both in the friendship and the relationships, it shouldn't be a problem at all.

But I also agree with you in some ways that it seems like a lot of people can't handle it...but I would guess that has a lot to do with the individual's self-esteem. Some people seem to need affirmation of their self worth from the opposite sex.